And I sez in faint axents, "I would fain reach a land where parasols and puckers are not and dogs and diamonds are no more."I wuz middlin' incoherent from my agitation.But I meant well.Iwuz truly in hopes I would reach some quiet place where Josiah and me could set down alone.Where I could look in quiet and repose upon that dear bald head, and recooperate my strength.
We went by beautiful places, grand houses of different colors but every one on 'em good lookin' ones, a settin' back amongst their green trees, with shady grass-covered yards, and fountains and flower beds in front of 'em, and more grand handsome houses, and more big beautiful yards, green velvet grass and beautiful flowers and fountains, and birds and beauty on every side on us.
And though I felt and knew that in them big carriages that was a passin' 2 and fro all the time, though I felt that parasols, and puckers, and laces, and dogs, and diamonds, wuz a bein' borne past me all the time, yet sech is the force of my mind that I could withdraw my specks from 'em, and look at the beautiful works of nater (assisted by man) that wuz about me on every hand.
Finally my long search wuz rewarded, we came to a big open gateway that seemed to lead into a large, quiet delightful forest.And in that lovely, lonesome place, Josiah and me sot down to recooperate our 2 energies.
Josiah looked good to me.Men are nice creeters, but you don't want to see too meny of 'em to once, likeways with wimmen.Josiah looked to me at that moment some like a calico dress that you have picked out of a dense quantity of patterns of calico at a store, it looks better to you when you get it away from the rest.Josiah Allen looked good to me.
But anon, after I had bathed my distracted eyes (as you may say)in the liniment of my pardner, I began to take in the rare beauty of the seen laid out before me and we arose and wended our way onwards peaceful and serene, as 2 childern led on by their mother.
Dear Mother Nature! how dost thou rest and soothe thy distracted childern when too hardly used by the grindin', oppressive hands of fashion,and the weerisome elements of a too civilized life.Maybe thou art a heathen mother, oneducated and ignorant in all but the wisdom of love, but thy bosom is soft and restful, and thy arms lovin' and tender.And, heathen if thou art, we love thee first and at last.We are glad to slip out of all the vain and gilded supports that have held us weerily up, and lay down our tired heads on thy kindly and unquestionin' bosom and rest.
As we rose from the soft turf, on which we had been a restin', and meandered on through that beautiful park, (so tenderly had nature used him,) not one trace of the wild commotion that had almost rent Josiah Allen's breast, could be seen save one expirin'
threeoh of agony.As we started out ag'in, he looked down onto my faithful umberell, that had stiddied me on so many towers of principle, and sez he, in low concentrated axents of skern and bitterness, "If that wuz a dumb parasol, Samantha, I would crush it to the earth and grind it to atoms."Truly he could not forget how his bald head had been gethered in like a ripe sheaf, by 7 females, during that very walk, hombly ones too, so it had happened.But I sez nothin' in reply to this expirin' note of the crysis he had passed through, knowin' this was not the time for silver speech but for golden silence, and so we meandered onwards.
And it wuz anon that we see in the distance a fair white female a standin' kinder still in the edge of the woods, and Josiah spoke in a seemin'ly careless way, and sez he, "She don't seem to have many clothes on, Samantha."Sez I, "Hush, Josiah! she has probably overslept herself, and come out in a hurry, mebby to look for some herbs or sunthin'.Ipersoom one of her childern are sick, and she sprung right up out of bed, and come out to get some weather-wort, or catnip, or sunthin'."And as I spoke I drawed Josiah down a side path away from her.
But he stopped stun still and sez he, "Mebby I ought to go and help her Samantha."Sez I, "Josiah Allen, sense I lived with you, I don't think I have been shamder of you;" sez I, "it would mortify her to death if she should mistrust you had seen her in that condition.""Wall," sez he, still a hangin' back, "if the child is very sick, and I can be any help to her, it is my duty to go."His eye had been on her nearly every moment of the time, in spite of my almost voyalent protests, and sez he, kinder excited like, "She is standin' stun still, as if she is skarit; mebby there is a snake in front of her or sunthin', or mebby she is took paralysed, I'd better go and see."Sez I, in low, deep axents, "You stay where you be, Josiah Allen, and I will go forward, bein' 2 females together, it is what it is right to do and if we need your help I will holler."And finally he consented after a parlay.
Wall, as I got up to her I see she wuzn't a live, meat woman, but a statute and so I hastened back to my Josiah and told him there wuzn't no need of his help and he wuz in the right on't -- she wuz stun still."He said he guessed we'd better go that way.And I sez, "No, Josiah, I want to go round by the other road."Wall, we got back to our abode perfectly tuckered out, but perfectly happy.And we concluded that after dinner we would set out and see the different springs and partake of 'em.Had it not been for our almost frenzied haste to get away from parasols and dogs and destraction into a place of rest we should have beheld them sooner.And our afternoon's adventures I will relate in another epistol.
