登陆注册
4911200000098

第98章 RECORD THIRTY-ONE(2)

"No, not that. The trial flight is put off until day after tomorrow, on account of that Operation. They rushed us for nothing; we hurried ..."

"On account of that Operation!" Funny, limited man. He could see no further than his own platter! If only he knew that, but for the Operation, tomorrow at twelve he would have been locked up in a glass cage, tossing about, trying to climb the walls!

At twelve-thirty when I came into my room I saw U-. She was sitting at my table, firm, straight, bone-like, resting her right cheek on her hand. She must have been waiting for a long while, because when she rose brusquely to meet me the five white imprints of her fingers remained on her cheek.

For a second that terrible morning came back to me: she beside I-330, indignant. But for a second only. All that was at once washed away by today"s sun—as happens sometimes when you enter your room on a bright day and absent-mindedly turn on the light, and the bulb shines but is out of place, comical, unnecessary.

Without hesitation I held out my hand to her; I forgave her everything. She firmly grasped both my hands and pressed them till they hurt. Her cheeks quivering and hanging down like ancient precious ornaments, she said with emotion:

"I was waiting ...I want only one moment I only wanted to say...how happy, how joyous I am for you! You realize, of course, that tomorrow or day after tomorrow you will be healthy again, as if born anew."

I noticed my papers on the table; the last two pages of my record of yesterday were in the place where I had left them the night before. If only she knew what I had written there! But I didn"t really care. Now it was only history; it was a ridiculously far-off distance, like an image seen through a reversed opera glass.

"Yes," I said. "A while ago, while passing along the avenue, I saw a man walking ahead of me. His shadow stretched along the pavement—and think of it! His shadow was luminous! I think—more than that, I am absolutely certain—that tomorrow all shadows will disappear. Not a shadow from any person or any thing!The sun will be shining through everything."

She, gently and earnestly:

"You are a dreamer! I would not allow my children in school to talk that way."

She told me something about the children: that they were all led in one herd to the Operation; that it was necessary to bind them afterward with ropes; that one must love pitilessly, "yes, pitilessly," and that she thought she might finally decide to ...

She smoothed out the grayish-blue fold of the unif that fell between her knees, swiftly pasted her smiles all over me, and went out.

Fortunately the sun did not stop today. The sun was running. It was already sixteen o"clock I was knocking at the door, my heart was knocking ....

"Come in!"

I threw myself upon the floor near her chair, to embrace her limbs, to lift my head upward and look into her eyes, first into one, then into the other, and in each of them to see the reflection of myself in wonderful captivity ....

There beyond the wall it looked stormy, there the clouds were leaden—let them be! My head was overcrowded with impetuous words, and I was speaking aloud, and flying with the sun I knew not where ....No, now we knew where we were flying; planets were following me, planets sparkling with flame and populated with fiery, singing flowers, and mute planets, blue ones where rational stones were unified into one organized society, and planets which like our own earth had already reached the apex of one-hundred-percent happiness.

Suddenly, from above:

"And don"t you think that at the apex are, precisely, stones unified into an organized society?" The triangle grew sharper and sharper, darker and darker.

"Happiness ...well? ...Desires are tortures, aren"t they? It is clear, therefore, that happiness is when there are no longer any desires, not a single desire any more. What an error, what an absurd prejudice it was, that we used to mark happiness with the sign "plus"! No, absolute happiness must be marked "minus"—divine minus!"

I remember I stammered unintelligibly:

"Absolute zero!—minus 273°."

"Minus 273°—exactly! A somewhat cool temperature. But doesn"t it prove that we are at the summit?"

As before she seemed somehow to speak for me and through me, developing my own thoughts to the end. But there was something so morbid in her tone that I could not refrain...with an effort I drew out a "No."

"No,"1 said. "You, you are mocking...."

She burst out laughing loudly, too loudly. Swiftly, in a second, she laughed herself to some unseen edge, stumbled, and fell over....Silence.

She stood up, put her hands upon my shoulders, and looked into me for a long while. Then she pulled me toward her and everything seemed to have disappeared save her sharp, hot lips....

"Good-by."

The words came from afar, from above, and reached me not at once but only after a minute, perhaps two minutes later.

"Why...why "good-by"?"

"You have been ill, have you not? Because of me you have committed crimes. Hasn"t all this tormented you? And now you have the Operation to look forward to. You will be cured of me. And that means—good-by."

"No!" I cried.

A pitilessly sharp black triangle on a white background.

"What? Do you mean that you don"t want happiness?"

My head was breaking into pieces; two logical trains collided and crawled upon each other, rattling and smothering....

"well, I am waiting. You must choose; the Operation and one-hundred-percent happiness, or..."

"I cannot...without you...I must not...without you..." I said, or perhaps I only thought—I am not sure which—but I-330 heard.

"Yes, I know," she said. Then, her hands still on my shoulders and her eyes not letting my eyes go, "Then...until tomorrow. Tomorrow at twelve. You remember?"

"No, it was postponed for a day. Day after tomorrow!"

"So much the better for us. At twelve, day after tomorrow!"

I walked alone in the dusky street. The wind was whirling, carrying, driving me like a piece of paper; fragments of the leaden sky were soaring, soaring—they had to soar through the infinite for another day or two....

Unifs of Numbers were brushing my sides—yet I was walking alone. It was clear to me that all were being saved but that there was no salvation for me. For I do not want salvation....

同类推荐
  • 美国FBI重案实录

    美国FBI重案实录

    本书为美国著名罪案小说家,独立撰稿人丹尼斯·赛琳杰所著,他于两年中走访了多位美国FBI联邦调查局退役特工,根据他们口述,将他们特工生涯中主办或参与的几十起轰动全美的案件破获过程记录下来,并在此基础上经过加工写成此纪实小说。本书中涉及的案件全部为真人真事,许多案例曾被改编为享誉全世界的好莱坞电影。在这些令人发指的案件背后,读者不仅能见识到一个个诡异、狡诈的罪案,也能感受到为正义出击的FBI特工们舍生忘死,追寻真相的气魄,更能体验到破译谜题的快感和学到FBI侦破疑难案件的经验与知识。
  • 啤酒女厉冰冰

    啤酒女厉冰冰

    在这个故事中,啤酒女厉冰冰只是一个符号,一个代表着年轻女孩子的符号。她不特指某个人,但她的遭遇,却是每个年轻的女孩子都有可能遇上的。在我们今天这个面临着重大变革的社会里,我们的人生也在变革,我们的际遇也在变革,一切的一切,都瞬息万变,看准方向,走好脚下的路,才是万全之策。
  • 六十年后的谢罪

    六十年后的谢罪

    从不同生活角度描绘了都市生活的画卷。全书分为五个部分,分别为微型故事、都市故事、乡村故事、校园故事、中篇故事。对各种发生在寻常百姓间的生活故事进行了极其新意的艺术加工。整部作品集更接近于精品的故事会的形式。令人读来不忍释卷。
  • 平原烈火(中国现代军事文学丛书)

    平原烈火(中国现代军事文学丛书)

    一九四二年五月,冀中抗日根据地整个地翻了一个个儿。冈村宁茨坐上飞机,在天上指挥着五万鬼子兵进行大“扫荡”,残酷的战斗,到处是一片红火。日本鬼子的汽车把遍地黄金的麦子轧烂在地上,骑兵包围了村庄,村庄烧起来,熊熊的火苗儿把黑烟卷上天去。
  • 薄荷紫苏汤(百花小说)

    薄荷紫苏汤(百花小说)

    百花文学的源头当有二:“一是汉初司马迁的《史记》中的游侠、刺客列传;二是魏晋、六朝间盛行的‘杂记体’神异、志怪小说。”如果说先秦两汉乃至魏晋志怪,为武侠小说的产生构筑了坚实的基础,为之前奏;那么唐传奇在文学史上一领风骚时,武侠小说即真正开始萌芽。
热门推荐
  • 倾城九重天

    倾城九重天

    一次车祸,她意外地穿越了,遇到了和前世男友一模一样的人。一对琉璃耳环,一段穿越时空的爱恋,究竟是那三生三世桃花劫,亦或是,那三生三世倾城恋?异世相聚,许你如画江山,成就你凤业天下。可是,当凤凰真正傲飞九天,却陷入了将近五年的长眠。再次苏醒,面对的,却是一场巨大的离别,还有爱的背离。他曾说“丫头,我以江山天下为聘,你随我可好?”“丫头,我许你一生一世一双人”如今,却只有冷眼相待。转身,却不曾见到你潸然泪下。当一切尘埃落定的时候,她回复了她尘封千年的身份;他们,亦是如此。且看,他们如何玩转九天,睥睨天下,笑看红尘!
  • 都市之血色年代

    都市之血色年代

    少年姬栋毅然投身黑道,随之而来的是矿区争霸,明争暗斗,黑道大佬接踵而至,无穷财富滚滚而来,且看姬栋如何书写一段血色年华!
  • 重生之让爱重新来过

    重生之让爱重新来过

    他遇到了她,是命中注定,还是千古孽缘,在这个神秘的王国里,究竟发生了怎样的故事,他说:“就算你不爱我,那又怎样呢?总有一天,你会来跪着求我,求我爱你……”她迷茫了?这个狂妄的男人,你以为你谁啊,!我怎么会来求你?自恋狂!!三年后,“我来求你了,我求你娶我,”她终于知道了,原来他才是最傻的那一个……“我会让你知道,没有人比我更爱你,你也只能是我的,无论你爱不爱我……”他自大吗?自恋吗?狂妄吗?或许是吧……
  • 乞

    概念名称:《乞丶无悔之地》种类:犯罪,悬疑,魔幻,恐怖,寻宝发生时间:现代第一人物:孔竹代表性:喜简述:小丑戏弄人生,可丑无比。何来无求,但可有。轻戏言,一长叹,路遥不见知马力,怎明他人意途尘。不!呵呵!哈哈哈!哼!怎么摆脱也逃不了最后的束缚,这念想驶出了欲态,却逃不出念想。嘻嘻!哈哈哈!人物刻画:以“喜”为主题的往下发展,喜极而泣,好的,我们将这种情绪作为主导,扩大如何,完全扩大化,扩大到变态,让人畏惧的“喜”。就如期盼已久的雨水,可是它的后续发展将是洪水灾难,让期盼之人悔与当时的盼望。
  • EXO之无情爱恋

    EXO之无情爱恋

    ”朴冷宸,你和我抢!”“你以为呢,呵呵,姝悠,你会后悔的。”“和我抢就一个下场,惨!”
  • 魂摄之守灵人

    魂摄之守灵人

    列于不同位面的灵界和现界原本互不干扰、各自相安,而不久前灵界的一次大战,引发了空间的异常波动。不少恶灵闯过两界的屏障,蓄意夺取人类的灵魂,部分人更意外跨入了近灵界,越来越多的人在入夜后离奇死亡。意识到形式的严峻后,专门负责处理灵异事件的神秘机构督灵局,派出一批拥有摄魂珠的人穿梭于两界的缝隙之间,寻求魂定灵安之法。而游走于生死两界的他们,被称作—守灵人。
  • 梦里的那颗星

    梦里的那颗星

    拥有爱幻想的初中女生暗恋上了班里的班草,总幻想自己变小可以偷偷待在那个男生身边。但却在那天的一觉醒时,竟然发现自己昨晚许下的愿望实现了!自己真的变小了!!虽然之后的日子变得不是她想像得容易,但却不知不觉中在他们心灵之间慢慢萌发出一棵小小的植苗......
  • 福妻驾到

    福妻驾到

    现代饭店彪悍老板娘魂穿古代。不分是非的极品婆婆?三年未归生死不明的丈夫?心狠手辣的阴毒亲戚?贪婪而好色的地主老财?吃上顿没下顿的贫困宭境?不怕不怕,神仙相助,一技在手,天下我有!且看现代张悦娘,如何身带福气玩转古代,开面馆、收小弟、左纳财富,右傍美男,共绘幸福生活大好蓝图!!!!快本新书《天媒地聘》已经上架开始销售,只要3.99元即可将整本书抱回家,你还等什么哪,赶紧点击下面的直通车,享受乐乐精心为您准备的美食盛宴吧!)
  • tfboys之霸道总裁遇上女神

    tfboys之霸道总裁遇上女神

    tfboys遇上我们优秀的公主们所经历的的种种事情,关系到豪门以及娱乐圈,看我们的boy们如何应对作者学生党更新的慢,请大家多多见谅
  • 永恒神心

    永恒神心

    发生在五行域之内的故事,讲述了主角的身世。(这是一本不算太监的太监的书。。。当作前传了。)