Where there's a will there's a lawsuit.
HAIR-DRESSER A linguist whose position in life enables him to do his head-work with his hands.
HAMMER A small, busy implement carried by blacksmiths, geologists and Knockers for breaking iron, rock or friendship.
HAMMOCK From the Lat. hamus, hook, and Grk. makar, happy.
Happiness on hooks. Also, a popular contrivance whereby lovemaking may be suspended but not stopped during the picnic season.
HAND A much desired possession, supplied by The Damsel or The Dealer. GLAD HAND. The beggar's plea, the politician's sceptre and the drummer's ablest assistant.
HANDMAIDEN A manicure.
HARANGUE The tiresome product of a tireless tongue. From Eng. hear, and Lat. angor, pain. Painful to hear.
HARMONY From the Grk. arnumi, strain. Hence, full of strains.
HASH ?
HATCH To develop eggs.
HATCHWAY Place for developing eggs; a hen-coop.
HAY-FEVER A heart trouble caused by falling in love with a grass widow.
HEARSE Seen on the dead.
HEARSAY Heard on the dead.
HEARSE A handsome vehicle in which the man who has always been a tail-ender is finally permitted to lead the procession.
HEART A bloody organ, kept in a trunk, played by beats, and enjoyed only after it is lost or given away HEAVE To raise.
HEAVEN A good place to be raised to.
HEDGE A fence.
HEDGEHOG One who hogs the fences. A Bill-Poster.
HELL Poverty.
HEREDITY The cause of all our faults. From Fr. here, wretch, and Eng. ditty, song. The song of the wretched.
HEROISM A transferable ticket to the Haul of Fame. Once held by Hobson and Dewey, now carried by Mother Eddy and Brother Dowie.
HIP A popular location for the retail liquor business.
HISTORY The evil that men do.
HIT A chance for first place, first base or first blood.
HOCK v. t. To "soak" what we least need. In Germany, they generally "Hock the Kaiser."
HOMOEOPATHY See Allopathy.
HOOT MON! The Scottish National Hymn.
HOP To skip.
HOPPER A skipper.
HOPE A desire for better things to come that makes a grass widow willing to try it again. Also, a draft on futurity, sometimes honored, but generally extended.
HORN A sharp point.
HORNET Still sharper.
HORSE-SENSE A degree of wisdom that keeps one from betting on the races.
HOSE Man's excuse for wetting the walk.
HOSIERY Woman's excuse for walking in the wet.
HOTEL A place where a guest often gives up good dollars for poor quarters.
HOUSECLEANING A domestic upheaval that makes it easy for the government to enlist all the soldiers it needs.
HUG A roundabout way of expressing affection.
HUMOR An outbreak, either of skin or brains frequently branded as Rash.
HUNGER Ability to eat in a Night Lunch Cart.
HUSBAND The next thing to a wife. From Eng. hussy, woman, and bond, tie. Tied to a woman.
HYDRANT From Grk. hudros, water, and Eng. ante, to give up.
Something that gives up water. (A good synonym for Dipsomaniac).
HYPOCRITE A horse dealer. From Grk. hippos, horse, and kroteo, to beat. One who beats you on a horse trade.
Home is where the mortgage is.
