For you would smell vilely of mint if he kissed you. But he was born before the decree was carried, so that you have not to fear his kiss.
BLEPYRUS
It would be awful. But who will till the soil?
PRAXAGORA
The slaves. Your only cares will be to scent yourself, and to go and dine, when the shadow of the gnomon is ten feet long on the dial.
BLEPYRUS
But how shall we obtain clothing? Tell me that!
PRAXAGORA
You will first wear out those you have, and then we women will weave you others.
BLEPYRUS
Now another point: if the magistrates condemn a citizen to the payment of a fine, how is he going to do it? Out of the public funds? That would not be right surely.
PRAXAGORA
But there will be no more lawsuits.
BLEPYRUS
This rule will ruin you.
CHREMES
I think so too.
PRAXAGORA
Besides, my dear, why should there be lawsuits?
BLEPYRUS
Oh! for a thousand reasons, on my faith! Firstly, because a debtor denies his obligation.
PRAXAGORA
But where will the lender get the money to lend, if all is in common? unless he steals it out of the treasury? and he could not hide that!
CHREMES
Well thought out, by Demeter!
BLEPYRUS
But tell me this: here are some men who are returning from a feast and are drunk and they strike some passer-by; how are they going to pay the fine? Ah! you are puzzled now!
PRAXAGORA
They will have to take it out of their pittance; and being thus punished through their belly, they will not care to begin again.
BLEPYRUS
There will be no more thieves then, eh?
PRAXAGORA
Why steal, if you have a share of everything?
BLEPYRUS
People will not be robbed any more at night?
CHREMES
Not if you sleep at home.
PRAXAGORA
Even if you sleep outdoors there will be no more danger, for all will have the means of living. Besides, if anyone wanted to steal your cloak, you would give it to him yourself. Why not? You will only have to go to the common store and be given a better one.
BLEPYRUS
There will be no more playing at dice?
PRAXAGORA
What object will there be in playing?
BLEPYRUS
But what kind of life is it you propose to set up?
PRAXAGORA
The life in common. Athens will become nothing more than a single house, in which everything will belong to everyone; so that everybody will be able to go from one house to the other at pleasure.
BLEPYRUS
And where will the meals be served?
PRAXAGORA
The law-courts and the porticoes will be turned into dining-halls.
BLEPYRUS
And what will the speaker's platform be used for?
PRAXAGORA
I shall place the bowls and the ewers there; and young children will sing the glory of the brave from there, also the infamy of cowards, who out of very shame will no longer dare to come to the public meals.
BLEPYRUS
Well thought out, by Apollo! And what will you do with the urns?
PRAXAGORA
I shall have them taken to the market-place, and standing close to the statue of Harmodius, I shall draw a lot for each citizen, which by its letter will show the place where he must go to dine. Thus, those for whom I have drawn an R will go to the royal portico; if it's a T, they will go to the portico of Theseus; if it's an F, to that of the flour-market.
BLEPYRUS
To cram himself there like a capon?
PRAXAGORA
No, to dine there.
BLEPYRUS
And the citizen whom the lot has not given a letter showing where he is to dine will be driven off by everyone?
PRAXAGORA (with great solemnity)
But that will not occur. Each man will have plenty; he will not leave the feast until he is well drunk, and then with a chaplet on his head and a torch in his hand; and then the women running to meet you in the crossroads will say, "This way, come to our house, you will find a beautiful young girl there."-"And I," another will call from her balcony, "have one so pretty and as white as milk; but before touching her, you must sleep with me." And the ugly men, watching closely after the handsome fellows, will say, "Hi! friend, where are you running to? Go in, but you must do nothing; it's the ugly and the flat-nosed to whom the law gives the right to make love first;amuse yourself on the porch while you wait, in handling your fig-leaves and playing with yourself." Well, tell me, does that picture suit you?
BLEPYRUS AND CHREMES
Marvellously well.
PRAXAGORA
I must now go to the market-place to receive the property that is going to be placed in common and to choose a woman with a loud voice as my herald. I have all the cares of state on my shoulders, since the power has been entrusted to me. I must likewise go to busy myself about establishing the common meals, and you will attend your first banquet to-day.
BLEPYRUS
Are we going to banquet?
PRAXAGORA
Why, undoubtedly! Furthermore, I propose abolishing the whores.
BLEPYRUS
And what for?
PRAXAGORA
It's clear enough why; so that, instead of them, we may have the first-fruits of the young men. It is not meet that tricked-out slaves should rob free-born women of their pleasures. Let the courtesans be free to sleep with the slaves.
BLEPYRUS
I will march at your side, so that I may be seen and that everyone may say, "Look at the Dictator's husband!"(He follows PRAXAGORA into their house.)
CHREMES
As for me, I shall arrange my belongings and take inventory of them, in order that I may take them to the market-place.
(He departs.)
(There is an interlude of dancing by the CHORUS, after which CHREMES returns with his belongings and arranges them in a long line.)CHREMES
Come hither, my beautiful sieve, I have nothing more precious than you, come, all clotted with the flour of which I have poured so many sacks through you; you shall act the part of Canephorus in the procession of my chattels. Where is the sunshade carrier? Ah! this stew-pot shall take his place. Great gods, how black it is! it could not be more so if Lysicrates had boiled the drugs in it with which be dyes his hair. Hither, my beautiful mirror. And you, my tripod, bear this urn for me; you shall be the water-bearer; and you, cock, whose morning song has so often roused me in the middle of the night to send me hurrying to the Assembly, you shall be my flute-girl.
