Alspaugh had grown so great upon the liberal feed of the meat of flattery, that he could hardly make himself believe that he had heard aright, and that these men did not care a fig for himself or his authority.Then recovering confidence in the fidelity of their ears, it seemed to him that such conduct was aggravated mutiny, which military discipline demanded should receive condign punishment on the spot.Had he any confidence in his ability to use the doughy weapon at his side, he would not have resisted the strong temptation to draw his sword and make an example then and there of the contemners of his power and magnificence.But the culprits has shown such an aptitude in the use of arms as to inspire his wholesome respect, and he was very far from sure that they might not make a display of his broadsword an occasion for heaping fresh ridicule upon him.
An opportune remembrance came to his aid:
"If it wasn't for the strcit orders we officers got yesterday not to allow ourselves to be provoked under any circumstances into striking our men, I'd learn you fellers mighty quick not to insult your superior officers.I'd bring you to time, I can tell you.
But I'll settle with you yit.I'll have you in the guard hose on bread and water in short meter, and then I'll learn you to be respectful and obedient.""He means 'teach,' instead of 'learn,'" said Kent, apologetically, to Abe."It's just awful to have a man, wearing shoulder-straps, abuse English grammar in that way.What's grammar done to him to deserve such treatment? He hasn't even a speaking acquaintance with it.""I 'spose it's because grammar can't hit back.That's the kind he always picks on," answered Abe.
"You'll pay for this," shouted Alspaugh, striding off after the Seargent of the Guard.
At that moment a little drummer appeared by the flagstaff, and beat a lively rataplan.
"That's for dress-parade," said Kent Edwards, rising."We'd better skip right over to quarters and fall in.""Wish their dress-parades were in the brimstone flames," growled Abe Bolton, as he rose to accompany his comrade."All they're for is to stand up as a background, to show off a lot of spruce young officers dressed in fancy rigs.""Well," said Kent, lightly, as they walked along, "I kind of like that; don't you? We make picturesque backgrounds, don't we? you and I, especially you, the soft, tender, lithe and willowy; and I, the frowning, rugged and adamantine, so to speak.I think the background business is our best hold."He laughed heartily at his own sarcasm, but Abe was not to be moved by such frivolity, and answered glumly:
"O, yes; laugh about it, if you choose.That's your way: giggle over everything.But when I play background, I want it to be with something worth while in the foreground.I don't hanker after making myself a foil to show off such fellers as our officers are, to good advantage.""That don't bother me any more than it does a mountain to serve as a background for a nanny goat and a pair of sore-eyed mules!""Yes, but the mountain sometimes has an opportunity to drop an avalanche on 'em."At this point of the discussion they arrived at the company grounds, and had scarcely time to snatch up their guns and don their belts before the company moved out to take its place in the regimental line.
The occasion of Lieutenant Alspaugh's elaborate personal ornamentation now manifested itself.By reason of Captain Bennett's absence, he was in command of the company, and was about to make his first appearance on parade in that capacity.Two or three young women, of the hollyhock order of beauty, whom he was very anxious to impress, had been brought to camp, to witness his apotheosis into a commanding officer.
1
"ATTENTION, COMPANY! FORWARD, FILE RIGHT, MARCH!"But as the company began to execute the order, it seemed to be going just the opposite to what he had commanded, and he called out excitedly:
"Not that way! Not that way! I said 'file right,' and you're going left.""We are filing right," answered some in the company."You're turned around; that's what's the matter with you."So it was.He had forgotten that when standing facing the men, he must give them orders in reverse from what the movement appeared to him.This increased his confusion, until all his drill knowledge seemed gone from him.The sight of his young lady friends, clad in masses of primary colors, stimulated him to a strong effort to recover his audacity, and bracing himself up, he began calling out the guide and step, with a noisy confidence that made him heard all over the parade ground:
"Left! left! left! Hep! hep! hep! Cast them head and eyes to the right!"Trouble loomed up mountainously as he approached the line.
Putting a company into its place on parade is one of the crucial tests of tactical proficiency.To march a company to exactly the right spot, with every man keeping his proper distance from his file-leader--"twenty-eight inches from back to breast," clear down the column, so that when the order "front" was given, every one turns, as if on pivot, and touches elbows with those on each side of him, in a straight, firm wall of men, without any shambling "closing up," or "side-stepping" to the right or left,--to do all this at word of command, looks very simple and easy to the non-military spectator, as many other very difficult things look simple and easy to the inexperienced.But really it is only possible to a thoroughly drilled company, held well in hand by a competent commander.It is something that, if done well, is simply done well, but if not done well, is very bad.It is like an egg that is either good or utterly worthless.
Alspaugh seemed fated to exhaust the category of possible mistakes.
