登陆注册
14716700000053

第53章 LONELINESS(2)

"It's a woman you see, that's what it is! It's a woman and, oh, she is lovely! She is hurt and is suffering but she makes no sound. Don't you see how it is? She lies quite still, white and still, and the beauty comes out from her and spreads over everything. It is in the sky back there and all around everywhere. I didn't try to paint the woman, of course. She is too beautiful to be painted. How dull to talk of composition and such things! Why do you not look at the sky and then run away as I used to do when I was a boy back there in Winesburg, Ohio?"That is the kind of thing young Enoch Robinson trembled to say to the guests who came into his room when he was a young fellow in New York City, but he always ended by saying nothing. Then he began to doubt his own mind. He was afraid the things he felt were not getting expressed in the pictures he painted. In a half indignant mood he stopped inviting people into his room and presently got into the habit of locking the door. He began to think that enough people had visited him, that he did not need people any more. With quick imagina- tion he began to invent his own people to whom he could really talk and to whom he explained the things he had been unable to explain to living peo- ple. His room began to be inhabited by the spirits of men and women among whom he went, in his turn saying words. It was as though everyone Enoch Robinson had ever seen had left with him some es- sence of himself, something he could mould and change to suit his own fancy, something that under- stood allabout such things as the wounded woman behind the elders in the pictures.

The mild, blue-eyed young Ohio boy was a com- plete egotist, as all children are egotists. He did not want friends for the quite simple reason that no child wants friends. He wanted most of all the peo- ple of his own mind, people with whom he could really talk, people he could harangue and scold by the hour, servants, you see, to his fancy. Among these people he was always self-confident and bold. They might talk, to be sure, and even have opinions of their own, but always he talked last and best. He was like a writer busy among the figures of his brain, a kind of tiny blue- eyed king he was, in a six- dollar room facing Washington Square in the city of New York.

Then Enoch Robinson got married. He began to get lonely and to want to touch actual flesh-and- bone people with his hands. Days passed when his room seemed empty. Lust visited his body and de- sire grew in his mind. At night strange fevers, burn- ing within, kept him awake. He married a girl who sat in a chair next to his own in the art school and went to live in an apartment house in Brooklyn. Two children were born to the woman he married, and Enoch got a job in a place where illustrations are made for advertisements.

That began another phase of Enoch's life. He began to play at a new game. For a while he was very proud of himself in the role of producing citi- zen of the world. He dismissed the essence of things and played with realities. In the fall he voted at an election and he had a newspaper thrown on his porch each morning. When in the evening he came home from work he got off a streetcar and walked sedately along behind some business man, striving to look very substantial and important. As a payer of taxes he thought he should post himself on how things are run. "I'm getting to be of some moment, a real part of things, of the state and the city and all that," he told himself with an amusing miniature air of dignity. Once, coming home from Philadel- phia, he had a discussion with a man met on a train. Enoch talked about the advisability of the govern- ment's owning and operating the railroads and the man gave him a cigar. It was Enoch's notion that such a move on the part of the government would be a good thing, and he grew quite excited as he talked. Later he remembered hisown words with pleasure. "I gave him something to think about, that fellow," he muttered to himself as he climbed the stairs to his Brooklyn apartment.

To be sure, Enoch's marriage did not turn out. He himself brought it to an end. He began to feel choked and walled in by the life in the apartment, and to feel toward his wife and even toward his children as he had felt concerning the friends who once came to visit him. He began to tell little lies about business engagements that would give him freedom to walk alone in the street at night and, the chance offering, he secretly re-rented the room fac- ing Washington Square. Then Mrs. Al Robinson died on the farm near Winesburg, and he got eight thousand dollars from the bank that acted as trustee of her estate. That took Enoch out of the world of men altogether. He gave the money to his wife and told her he could not live in the apartment any more. She cried and was angry and threatened, but he only stared at her and went his own way. In reality the wife did not care much. She thought Enoch slightly insane and was a little afraid of him. When it was quite sure that he would never come back, she took the two children and went to a village in Connecticut where she had lived as a girl. In the end she married a man who bought and sold real estate and was contented enough.

And so Enoch Robinson stayed in the New York room among the people of his fancy, playing with them, talking to them, happy as a child is happy. They were an odd lot, Enoch's people. They were made, I suppose, out of real people he had seen and who had for some obscure reason made an appeal to him. There was a woman with a sword in her hand, an old man with a long white beard who went about followed by a dog, a young girl whose stock- ings were always coming down and hanging over her shoe tops. There must have been two dozen of the shadow people, invented by the child-mind of Enoch Robinson, who lived in the room with him.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 大梵印

    大梵印

    已改名为凡印,这里断更。
  • 重生之极致冷血

    重生之极致冷血

    前世:二十年前母亲莫名其妙的去死,父亲性格大变,总是变着法子折磨她,那种变态的折磨方法甚至演变成了拿起刀让她杀人,就这样她度过了二十年变态血腥的地狱生涯,让她从一开始的天真无邪变得冷血残暴。直到有一天真相浮出水面……她拿着起誓过的月魂匕亲手杀了她的父亲……今生:前世40年,她是傀儡,杀人的工具,她冷血残暴丧失人性,回到过去,她只想谋一段真情平平淡淡细水长流的过下去,奈何真情天难觅。(注:女主不白莲花,属于为达利益誓不罢休,冷酷无情型的。本文不是一开始就强而是慢慢变强的,里面涉及的方面很广,至于男主由大家投票决定吧!)
  • 玉貔貅之缘

    玉貔貅之缘

    这篇文章讲述了男主人公因为复仇而想尽办法接近女主角,但最后他们却因为真爱而心心相惜
  • 无上神尊

    无上神尊

    修真界巅峰存在的林帆被逼自爆,灵魂重生在一普通家庭中,且看他如何站在世界之巅
  • 重生无悔

    重生无悔

    IT精英马学文父母车祸双亡,结发夫妻病重离世,面对如此打击一蹶不振,意外落桥醒来时回到1998年。家境贫寒,面对亲人白眼,只有十三岁的他是否可以在互联网刚刚崛起的浪潮中凭借自己未来的知识分一杯羹?马学文:“老婆,我很庆幸自己是你最后一个男人,唯一的遗憾是不能成为你的初恋!”曾经的一切遗憾和誓言,就让今生弥补重来!重生无悔官方交流群:391416482
  • EXO:情网

    EXO:情网

    她是一个家世显赫的女生,却因为家族纷争,父母公司被夺,年幼丧父丧母,从千金大小姐沦为杀手,当她在16岁时,接到了一个到韩国组合做卧底的任务。当她,当他们陷入情网时,又会发生什么样的故事呢?
  • 知识名言(现代名言妙语全集)

    知识名言(现代名言妙语全集)

    这些名言警句句句经典,字字珠玑,精辟睿智,闪耀着智慧的光芒和精神的力量,具有很强的鼓舞性、哲理性和启迪性。具有成功心理暗示和潜在力量开发的功能,不仅可以成为我们的座右铭,还能增进自律的能力。
  • 李百诗歌集

    李百诗歌集

    这是李百的第一部到第四部的诗歌集,每一首诗歌里都是作者的心路旅程,希望这些这些美妙的语言,能给你的生活带去积极的情感,让你的生活更加美好,并时刻充满着希望与力量。
  • 相思酒斋

    相思酒斋

    你喜欢他一定没我那么爱他,你也一定没有我爱他。如果我还可以活的长长久久,我一定会让他爱上我的,可惜我的命不久矣,所以,我把他交给你,请你替我照顾好那个傻子。
  • 梅华问答

    梅华问答

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。